Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
