Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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