just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I touched a dick in church today
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
