You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
