i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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