brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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