Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
