I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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