Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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