You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
