Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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