Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
