Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
