Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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