My room smells like vodka and shame
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
