is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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