I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
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