I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
