i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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