my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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