Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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