One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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