I have demons in me.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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