i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
