Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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