i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
