Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
