I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize