help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
