i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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