I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
