do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
