I feel great
I just peed on a car
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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