somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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