I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
