i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
