sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Fuck appropriateness.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
