Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize