Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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