Quick, to the slutcave!
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
