I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
