this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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