2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
