I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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