We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
