I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
