So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
