wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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