his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
