He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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