i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
