sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
