i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
