out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
