Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
