You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
