she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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