when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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