I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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