I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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