And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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