I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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