You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
