Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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