Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
