I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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