In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
