first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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