he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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