whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
